I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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