just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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