Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
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