you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
