you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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