I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Randomize
