just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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