I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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