I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
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