apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I would fuck him just for his dog
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
