I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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