My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
