I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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