You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
