I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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