I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Randomize
