jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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