i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
