so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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