Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Randomize
