Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Randomize
