this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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