I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
