i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
