So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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