So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
