Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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