And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
