Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
