I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
