But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
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She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
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Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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