I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
