I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize