Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
