It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
