I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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