how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
