I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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