He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
