I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
