none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
i dont even know how to be here
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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