I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize