he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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