Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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