i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
