Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
