I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
