Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
