I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
