i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
