My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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