Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
love makes seman taste better
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
