Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
