I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
