Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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