So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
