Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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