dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
