I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
