Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
