I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
