Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
