i just wanna soil my oats bro
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Randomize
