I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
