if i can run in heels then i can drive
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Randomize
