I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
