I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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