at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Randomize
