yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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