just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
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Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
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he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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