it wasn't lemon gatorade
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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