I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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