If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
COCAINE IS GR8
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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