No stitches, just platelets and will power
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
