if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
i need some magic done to my vagina
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize