The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
