I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
