I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
