stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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