Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
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